You do not need to decide straight away
Direct cremation gives families time.
The cremation can be arranged first, without the pressure of organising a funeral service, venue, catering or gathering straight away. Once the ashes have been returned, you can decide what feels right.
You might want to gather with whānau, hold a private moment, scatter ashes somewhere meaningful, create a keepsake, or simply take time before making any decisions.
It is okay to wait.
A memorial at home
A home memorial can feel personal and low-pressure. It gives people space to talk, share food, look through photos and remember the person in a familiar setting.
You could:
- Set up a small table with photos, flowers, candles or meaningful objects
- Invite close family and friends for a shared meal
- Play music the person loved
- Ask people to bring a photo, note or memory
- Create a memory box or book together
- Keep the gathering small and informal.
A home memorial does not need a formal order of service. It can simply be time together.
An outdoor farewell
Some families choose to gather outdoors, especially if the person loved a particular place.
This might be:
- A beach
- A park or garden
- A favourite walking track
- A family bach
- A farm or piece of family land
- A lookout, lake, river or harbour.
You might share stories, read something, play music, scatter flowers, or take a quiet walk together.
Before scattering ashes in a public place, check any local council rules, land permissions, cultural considerations and environmental guidance. If the place has special cultural or spiritual significance, it is worth seeking advice first.
Scattering ashes
Scattering ashes can be a meaningful way to farewell someone, but it is worth taking time to choose the right place and understand what is allowed.
Families may choose somewhere connected to the person’s life, such as a beach, garden, family property, favourite fishing spot, walking track or whenua.
Before scattering ashes, consider:
- Whether the land is public or private
- Whether permission is needed
- Whether the location has cultural significance
- How weather and wind may affect the moment
- Whether everyone who needs to be there can attend
- Whether some ashes should be kept for other family members.
You do not need to scatter all the ashes at once. Some families choose to keep some, share them among family, or inter some later.
A shared meal or gathering
Food often gives people a natural way to come together.
A memorial meal can be as simple as morning tea at home, fish and chips at the beach, a shared lunch, a barbecue, or a gathering at a community hall.
You could ask people to bring:
- A plate of food
- A memory to share
- A photo
- A song suggestion
- A written note for the family.
This can work well when people do not want a formal service but still want a way to connect and acknowledge the loss.
Photos, stories and memorial books
A memory book or photo collection can be a simple way to hold onto stories.
You might:
- Create a printed photo album
- Ask people to write down a favourite memory
- Collect voice notes or short videos from family and friends
- Make a shared online folder for photos
- Frame a favourite photo
- Create a small box of letters, cards and keepsakes.
This can be especially helpful when family members live in different places and cannot all gather at the same time.
Keepsakes and small rituals
Not every memorial needs to be a gathering. Some families prefer small, quiet ways to remember someone.
Ideas include:
- Lighting a candle on a birthday or anniversary
- Planting a tree or garden
- Creating a small place at home for a photo or keepsake
- Making jewellery or another keepsake using a small portion of ashes
- Donating to a cause the person cared about
- Cooking their favourite meal
- Visiting a place they loved
- Writing them a letter.
Small rituals can be just as meaningful as large events.
A memorial later
Many families choose to wait before holding a memorial.
This can be helpful if people need to travel, if whānau need time to talk, or if the family simply needs space before making decisions.
A later memorial might happen weeks or months after the cremation. It could be held at home, at a community venue, outdoors, at a marae, at a church or faith space, or somewhere connected to the person.
A later memorial can still feel complete and meaningful. The timing does not make it less important.
Ideas for involving children and young people
Children and young people may want to be involved in simple, age-appropriate ways.
They might:
- Draw a picture
- Choose a song
- Pick flowers
- Write a card or letter
- Help choose a photo
- Share a favourite memory
- Plant something in the garden
- Make a memory box.
It can help to explain things simply and give them choices rather than pressure. Some children want to take part. Others may prefer to watch or step away.
Cultural, spiritual and whānau considerations
Different families, cultures and faiths have different ways of honouring someone after death.
If cultural or spiritual practices are important to your family, take time to talk with the people who should be involved. This might include whānau, kaumātua, church leaders, faith leaders, elders or community leaders.
Direct cremation can still be followed by a gathering, prayer, blessing, meal, memorial, scattering of ashes or another ritual that feels right for your family.
If you are unsure what is appropriate, seek guidance from someone you trust within your own community.
Questions families often ask
Can we still have a memorial after direct cremation?
Yes. Many families choose to hold a memorial after the ashes have been returned. It can happen whenever you are ready.
Do we need to have a formal service?
No. A memorial can be formal, informal, private or very simple. You can choose what feels right.
Where can we hold a memorial?
You could hold a memorial at home, outdoors, at a community venue, on family land, at a marae, at a church or faith space, or somewhere meaningful to the person who has died.
Can we scatter ashes in New Zealand?
In many cases, yes, but you should check local rules, permissions, cultural considerations and environmental guidance before scattering ashes in a public or significant place.
What if our family disagrees about what to do?
It can help to slow things down and talk through what matters most. Direct cremation gives families time to decide. You do not need to make every decision straight away.
If you would like a simple cremation first
Value Cremations provides direct cremation across New Zealand.
We collect the person who has died, care for them respectfully, help organise the required documentation, arrange the cremation and return the ashes to you.
After that, you can decide if, when and how you would like to gather.
